You just know when it’s one of those nights.
The rough kind.
But you still lay in the bed, changing positions every few seconds, flipping the pillow to the cooler side every second and kicking your blanket away. You switch the lights on, cover yourself up with the blanket, sit up in the bed with the blanket over your head. You switch the lights off, walk across your room, randomly stopping and sitting on the floor.
While you are doing all this, you are still trying to convince yourself that it is not one of those nights.
For the thousandth time, you go back to your bed and try to sleep. You beg your brain to stop thinking, but you know better than that. You get into your head, even deeper. You begin contemplating everything, every single thing.
You sit up straight, again and start the breathing exercises, even though you know it’s pointless.
You walk through your room, drink a glass of water and splatter your face with the cold water. All this while your brain is counting everything that is wrong with your life.
You think maybe talking to someone will help, but it’s 2:45 in the morning, a time when most of the people are asleep. You have no hope.
At this point, you are so deep into it that you can’t help but accept it and let it pass. It engulfs you, reaches your throat and you feel even sicker. There are a billion thoughts floating in your mind and not even a single one of them has a hint of happiness to it.
You hate the helplessness, you hate how it’s making you feel. You want to stick fingers down your throat just to vomit out all the negative thoughts, you wish you were feeling better.
The emptiness literally drowns you in negativity and hopelessness. You shut the world out. You feel nobody can help you, not even the closest of people.
It’s scary I know. But trust me, you aren’t alone…